I don’t know who came up with the idea. It’s a pop psych terms that’s been around for a while. The thought is, once we get closure, we can move on.
But emotions don’t work like that and people don’t work like that. Life doesn’t work like that.
But because we’ve been told we need closure, many of keep waiting for it.
Or worse, we ask for it. Like I did.
When Dylan broke up with me, initially there was radio silence. Which, as you know, is so hideously painful.
We’d dated for 2 years. To go from talking every day to NOTHING...
It was brutal.
And I had questions! This had come out of the blue! We were in love! We had plans! I needed answers (or so I thought).
So I called him. And posed questions he didn’t have answers to. And asked for reasons he couldn’t articulate.
So much for closure.
Here’s what I didn’t realize—Dylan couldn’t have given me closure even if he’d wanted to! He didn’t fully understand why he’d broken up with me.
And there I was, demanding an explanation.
Because the notion of getting closure necessitates that the person has it to give to you. And most people just don’t.
Dylan didn’t mean to hurt me. He felt the need to leave our relationship. So he did.
I hadn’t done anything wrong. I was a really good girlfriend. He knew that. And he loved me.
But part of him couldn’t be with me and that part took over and he took off.
He didn’t fully understand why.
And of course, since he couldn’t give me a rationale, I analyzed our demise and came up with my own interpretation of what was going on in his psyche.
But that was a waste of my time, too. What did that matter?
He left me. And that’s absolutely all I needed to know.
No “closure” would change it or take away the pain. Did I think somehow it would have hurt less if he’d been able to explain his decision?
Closure is a myth.
Don’t wait for it and PLEASE don’t ask for it.